**#152. Self-Love (1)**
—
*Crash!*
From Ayla’s swift breakfall came the sound of a wooden doll creaking.
*Something’s a little off.*
The boy quickly exercised his sharp insight to see through the girl’s essence.
*She’s uncoordinated.*
Just like Philip.
*She can’t use her body well.*
So yes, just like Philip.
She had mastered the theory perfectly, but her body couldn’t keep up, resulting in failure.
That would be the accurate way to describe it.
Though it looked like her limbs would be sore from hitting the ground… the girl didn’t show any sign of pain.
She merely looked up at him with eyes that carried a faint hint of embarrassment.
*Why are you coming out from there…?*
That’s what her eyes seemed to be saying.
Thanks to Ray not responding, a brief awkward silence passed.
Just as the girl, having calmed her startled heart, began to rise to her feet, staggering slightly—
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
Ray finally opened his mouth.
“Huh…?”
“You don’t seem to show it even though it must hurt.”
“Oh, that’s… I’m fine.”
Ayla had already returned to her usual expressionless face and casually brushed off her body.
At that moment—
*Wooong!*
The blue mana within Ayla’s vessel surged.
To be exact, it thickened.
Unlike typical mana, blue mana took on a special form that covered the entire vessel.
Ray had thought this before—
That it resembled an ice sheet.
In Ray’s vessel, the light purple mana of curiosity stirred intensely.
*…Blue. It’s clearly linked to a certain state rather than an emotion. Like the gray mana that corresponds to composure.*
Though rare, blue mana was the color Ray had seen more than any other.
Because the ice sheet also covered his own vessel.
When had it appeared?
He couldn’t say for certain.
It had simply been there—covering the vessel since as far back as he could remember.
At first, he hadn’t even realized it was mana.
*I just thought my vessel’s color was different from others.*
The ice that lay over the boy’s heart had always been bitterly cold in that spot, but at some point, it had begun to thin.
As if it were melting under sunlight.
…He couldn’t determine the exact cause.
But Ray suspected the turning point came when he left Sector 50.
*It’s definitely thinning.*
And at quite a fast pace, too.
Objectively, his ice was still so thick it could be mistaken for a steel plate.
But the idea that one day the ice might melt completely, leaving only pooled water behind, stirred a quiet panic in the boy.
He had resumed the observation and research he’d once abandoned, pouring considerable time into it…
*But I haven’t discovered a thing.*
Just what emotion—
Or what state was it connected to?
Had he grown desensitized from seeing it too long?
Or was the blue mana a trap-like color that wasn’t tied to any emotion at all?
Just when his research had hit a wall—another high-grade specimen appeared.
He absolutely. Absolutely could not miss this one.
But first—
“This isn’t how you do it.”
—he had something to say.
In Ray’s hand was the model of a house made of ice that had flown into the air when Ayla had performed her self-punishing fall disguised as a breakfall.
*Crack! Craaack!*
Ice sprouted on the first floor and an extension began rapidly forming.
A second floor appeared.
The ice’s hardness and chill were similar to the first floor’s, but its precision and detail were on a different level.
“Here. Try it.”
Ayla took the two-story house.
Examining it—it now had three extra rooms and a bathroom, giving it a middle-class layout—she spoke.
“…Our house wasn’t this big.”
“Your house?”
“Yeah. The one I used to live in. With my parents and little brother. They both passed away a year ago, and Master took my brother and me in.”
Her parents’ deaths were only a year ago.
But despite that, Ayla’s voice was oddly calm, and her expression didn’t change at all.
*Sadness, longing, depression… The emotions are present, but why don’t they show in her behavior?*
Looking at Ayla’s vessel, Ray realized something.
Her emotions had frozen solid upon touching the ice and were completely immobilized.
In a way, it was similar to how the gray mana, like rocks, lodged in the vessel and interfered with other emotions.
The difference, however, was that on the ice, some emotions actually accelerated.
Some were frozen solid.
Some slid freely.
*I’ve never seen a case like this before.*
Gripped by curiosity and excitement, the boy couldn’t take his eyes off the girl’s vessel.
Meanwhile, Ayla followed Ray’s suggestion and added to the extension.
Ice sprouted from the second floor and formed a third.
“I’m done. But it’s still not as good as yours….”
“Your finger.”
“Huh?”
“Your finger.”
Apparently cut by the ice, Ayla’s index finger was bleeding freely.
It wasn’t a major wound.
But it wasn’t insignificant, either.
“Oh, this… it’s fine.”
Seeing the wound, Ayla pulled out a handkerchief and casually wiped the blood once.
Naturally, blood welled up again at her fingertip, and unable to bear its own weight, dripped down onto the ice house.
As the ice stained red, Ray asked,
“Are you insensitive to pain?”
“I don’t think so….”
“If you leave it, the wound will get worse or scar.”
“Hmm… I’m probably fine.”
It was at that moment—
A sudden flash of blue flickered and vanished across Ayla’s ice.
“Are you really okay?”
“I’m fine.”
*Flash.*
“Really really okay?”
“It’s not like I’m going to die from this kind of wound.”
*Flash. Flash.*
“You should probably treat it.”
“Is there really a need to?”
*Flash. Flash. Flash.*
Ray pressed like a vending machine, pouring out words of concern.
As the boy stared at the ice, the girl asked curiously,
“Are you… worried about me?”
Worried.
The familiar keyword pulled Ray’s thoughts back to the present.
*Worried. It’s because I don’t want the ice to melt.*
After seriously thinking it through, Ray voiced a sentence that efficiently summarized the thoughts and judgments running through his mind.
“I don’t want you to get hurt. At least, not while I’m staying here.”
He used white mana to heal Ayla’s wound.
The girl couldn’t take her dazed eyes off the boy’s face.
“…But I attacked you. Even if it was on Master’s orders.”
“It’s fine. Binjin already paid for that.”
Ray took out a band-aid from his bag and stuck it on her finger.
It was something Veronica had given him.
*“Please stop getting hurt and take care of your body,” she said.*
He felt like he could understand that sentiment now.
Ayla reminded him of himself from the days of Sector 50.
Back when he had no purpose in life.
When he wasn’t really living, but merely continuing to exist.
He didn’t care what wounds or abnormalities his body had.
If not for the rescue and treatment of the children under the bridge that winter, he might’ve ended up as just another frozen corpse on the street.
A recent conversation with Veronica replayed in his head.
“Ray! Again! Again! You got hurt again!”
*Smack!*
“You act like you have ten lives! Please take care of your body!”
“Veronica. That’s the injured spot. Don’t hit it.”
*Smack! Smack!*
“Just try feeling pain once! It’s because I always treat you that you get hurt without a care!”
“That’s true.”
*Smack! Smack! Smack!*
“I want you to become someone who cherishes and loves yourself, Ray!”
And she added,
“A-Anyway… You have to love yourself before you can give that love to someone else… is what Grandpa always said.”
He didn’t know why she was embarrassed or what she was expecting.
In any case—
He felt like that advice—to love and cherish oneself—could be passed on to the girl in front of him.
*Unlike back in Sector 50, I now love myself enough.*
He watched his nutrition.
He pushed himself in training.
He checked in with his emotions, and—
…Come to think of it, all of that was for the singular goal of reaching the rainbow.
“I appreciate the kindness, but… you don’t need to be this nice to someone like me.”
The girl’s voice snapped Ray out of his thoughts.
“……?”
“I’m a completely useless person. My magic skills are lacking, I can’t do anything, I have a weak personality, and…”
The girl’s vessel.
The swollen navy mana began to melt viscously, dripping onto the ice.
*My specimen.*
Ray replied swiftly.
“That’s not true at all.”
“Huh…?”
“In terms of magic skill, you’re the best in all the classes.”
“No. You don’t have to say that to make me feel better. I know my own skills best.”
“Nope.”
Ray wasn’t lying.
Though the timing of his words was suspicious, he genuinely thought Ayla had the most refined magic among everyone in the mansion.
She just lacked the ability to apply it properly.
With the right guidance, she could unlock immense potential.
“You’re the best.”
He said it firmly.
“In this mansion. Even better than Binjin.”
“……”
After confirming that the navy mana had vanished from Ayla’s vessel, Ray said,
“Give it back.”
“Oh, okay.”
Ray received the three-story house.
*Crack! Craaack!*
He returned it as a four-story house and said,
“See? That’s how you do it.”
“…I’ll try.”
*Crack! Craaack!*
A fifth story was added, more refined than before.
But to Ray’s eyes, Ayla still hadn’t reached her full potential.
“Give it back.”
“Okay.”
*Crack! Craaack!*
The house became six stories.
“Again.”
“Okay.”
*Crack! Craaack!*
Seven stories.
“Again.”
*Crack! Craaack!*
“Again.”
*Crack! Craaack!*
“Again.”
A few minutes later, when the house had turned into a 25-story high-rise building—
“…I can’t make it as perfect as you.”
Ayla spoke, exhausted.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not skilled enough.”
“Why are you not skilled enough?”
“That’s…”
“I don’t really get it.”
“……”
“Why can’t you do this?”
When no answer came, Ray lifted his head.
And found Ayla holding a book high over her head, aiming its corner at him.
It was the same brown-covered book she had held during their alleyway fight.
**[The Sleeping Princess in the Tower]**
That was the title.
Ayla, caught like a child doing something wrong, muttered,
“Um… I didn’t mean to.”
Ray silently pulled out the *Cromwell Grand Dictionary* from his bag.
Startled, Ayla raised *The Sleeping Princess* like a shield and backed away.
At that moment, a furious shout echoed from down the hallway.
“You! What are you doing to my sister!”
*Thud thud thud thud—!*
Turning his head, Ray saw a boy sprinting down the long corridor with terrifying momentum.
“This bastard hurt my sister!”
Bandages in hand and enhancement magic on his feet—the blue-haired boy was—
“Your brother?”
“Yeah. Ain. I think he’s misunderstanding something…”
—Ayla’s younger brother, Ain.
The bloodstain on the ice building.
Ayla’s defensive posture.
It seemed he had misread the situation.
Ayla spoke in a rare flustered voice.
“You said your name was Hailer, right? Please step aside for now. When Ain gets mad, no one but Master can stop him. But right now, he just happens to be out…”
“Is it…?”
“Huh?”
“Anger management disorder.”
Ray mentioned a condition he had seen in psychiatry books.
Ain’s vessel was overflowing with rage far beyond normal levels.
“He really can’t control his anger. He’s fine usually, but when it comes to me, he just explodes. Q-Quick, move.”
Ray didn’t respond.
He simply gathered circle mana and prepared to counter.
But at that moment—
*…?*
Ain’s rage, which had been charging like a runaway truck with a broken steering wheel, suddenly began to subside.
The closer the distance became, the more sharply it decreased—and in the space left behind by the vanishing fury, fear began to rise beside it.
The trembling pupils of Ain’s eyes were fixated on—
*“The dictionary?”*
Ray looked down at the *Cromwell Grand Dictionary* he was holding.
*Is this what’s doing it?*
He held the dictionary up like a protective charm.
In response, the trembling in Ain’s eyes intensified beyond control.
In that instant, Ray was convinced. And once the distance between them had closed to a certain degree—
*Whoosh!*
He threw the dictionary.
*Boom—!*
The monstrous red-leather tome, soaked with the blood of the streets, landed on the battlefield with a heavy thud.
“……!”
Ain immediately slowed his pace and came to a halt exactly three meters from the monstrosity.
Then, pointing at Ray with a face full of indignation, he shouted,
“You bastard! Get away from my sister right now! Just try laying a finger on her! I swear I’ll kill you!”
His energy was, indeed, flawless.
If not for the trembling eyes that kept glancing at the dictionary on the floor without pause.
“I’m warning you—mess with my sister even a little more, and I’ll tear you limb from limb and feed you to wild dogs!”
His energy was impressive.
If not for the way he kept nervously gulping as he looked at the dictionary.
*“Trauma, was it…”*
Ain’s vessel still contained a considerable amount of anger, burning like fire.
But perhaps because his fear was stronger, he couldn’t bring himself to charge in.
“You coward of a bastard! Using some stupid barrier like this to block my path! If it weren’t for *that*, you’d be dead by my hands! Last time I *let* you off easy!”
As he watched Ain screaming and squawking, Ray quietly used telekinesis to move the dictionary aside.
*Woom!*
*Rrrroll…!*
Apparently, Ain hadn’t expected this.
An unmistakable surge of panic bloomed in his vessel.
The two boys’ eyes locked.
“…….”
“…….”
Ain stared at Ray with trembling eyes for a long moment—then stirred a gust of wind to roll the dictionary right back into place.
*Whoosh!*
*Rrrroll…!*
“You bastard! Put that thing back where it was! If it weren’t for *that*, you’d be on the floor right now, getting pounded by my fists!”
“…….”
Ray thought to himself:
*Both the sister and the brother are weird.*
*Must be genetic.*
Tilting his head, he casually stepped forward and picked up the dictionary.
First things first—he figured he should capture this boy named Ain, who had just appeared before him.
Because—
*“Sky-blue mana.”*
Not as rare as blue, but still an uncommon color of mana was gently drifting through Ain’s vessel.
And in considerable abundance, too.
To observe it in detail—capture was necessary.
*Tap—tap—tap—*
“……!”
Seeing Ray approach quickly, Ain began to retreat.
*Tap—tap—tap—*
One advanced, the other retreated—both at a rapidly accelerating pace.
And the moment Ain turned his body fully around—
*Tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap!*
He took off in a full sprint.
His fleeing face looked as if he might burst into tears at any moment.
